Creative Beings

Robin Hagy Photography

just for fun how about replacing human with “creator” or “creative” as to look at ourselves as something different than what we have decided it means to be human. “I am a creative being”. hmmmmm that’s interesting, it means something completely different to me than the statement “I am a human being”.

the label “human being” is one we have created for ourselves. but it comes with certain, ideas, expectations, obligations and such. as a human i am meant to move with the herd of other humans, watching and learning how they do so that i can do the same. as a human my mind works differently than other animals, there is a plethora of thoughts unnecessary to the survival of mankind. i have thoughts about how i can “look” better to other humans when in truth the way I look is really amazing and beautifully imperfect. i have thoughts about making tasks better and more efficient so that i can ultimately “do” more with my time, but to truly balance my life out, less would be more. i have thoughts about what others think of me, how they perceive me, how they judge and consider me and because of these completely unreal, imaginary things, i change myself, my appearance, or my behavior so that i can feel that i “fit in” to the herd.

lately, in the mess I’ve made, in the mess that was made before i even existed, i feel less and less human, less and less like part of a herd, less and less desire to watch and learn so i can do the same, less and less thoughts about what others think is beautiful or what the word “beauty” even means. i feel less and less desire to be perfect, to perform perfectly or to do things with perfection. I feel less and less the need to “do more” with my extra time that isn’t allocated to being human. i feel less and less about what others think of me and i am affected less and less by others judgements as well as my own. i feel less and less like i “fit in” to the human herd but i also feel less and less afraid to be and to act alone, without the support of others confirming my decisions as “right”.

so with all of that, i feel less and less like a human being or like the ideas i’ve been given about what it is to be a human being. but i feel, all the way deep down into my soul, that i am a “creative being”. human beings are flawed and limited, but creative beings are free from expectations and without limits. that is who i am. I am free of expectations and I am without limits. ahhhh the freedom i feel just from saying these words gives birth to the truth behind them.

my imagination only runs wild with the thoughts of chaos and incredibly possibility if everyone on earth today had this precise realization “I am not human, i am a creative being, i am free of expectations and i am without limits”. then what????… only my limitless imagination knows.

i create, design, and manifest my life through a human experience, but i am not a “human being”. i am such a creative being it’s not even funny (and so are you) … embrace that shit.

communicating discomfort

in the last year i’ve learned that communication is the single most important thing between two people and that communication is also the most challenging thing about being a human. it seems to me what makes it so difficult is that we don’t know how to communicate with ourselves.

communication begins with receiving, and we receive information that is transmitted by listening. listening goes much deeper than hearing with our ears. listening transcends the human senses and can be done without words and without sound. the most powerful communication doesn’t even use words or sounds. the entire body communicates, but we aren’t really taught, and don’t know how to listen.

perhaps listening is the greatest challenge in communication but again, it has nothing to do with listening to words. we humans, have the hardest time listening to ourselves, our own bodies, that we live inside and operate through 24/7. we fail, more often than not, to listen to even the simplest of things our bodies are saying.

i continue to read about how many many people in the world are sleep deprived. this is as simple as not receiving the transmission of info from the body saying, I need to sleep. or the problem could lie not in the receiving of the information but in the response. I know i’ve been in the situation a million times where my body is communicating that it’s hungry and it isn’t until i’ve ignored the call a few times before i realize that I waited until my body was practically screaming at me to eat, and by then, I’m very uncomfortable.

our bodies have millions of things to communicate every day, but listening is a challenge and responding is an even greater challenge. the body tells you when it’s hot, or even too hot, and also when it’s cold, or too cold, that’s pretty simple. the body let’s us know when we ingest things that aren’t easy to digest. it lets us know when we haven’t had enough water. it let’s us know when we are overcome with joy or even overwhelmed with distress.

it let’s us know when the experience we are having doesn’t feel comfortable, this can be done via the feeling of nervousness, anxiety, depression, compulsion or even addiction. but when our bodies relay the info that they are out of balance, and we are able to receive the message, what is the response? how do you respond to nervousness, anxiety, depression, compulsion or addiction? i think the greatest response is to listen more intently. your body has something to say, but nervousness, anxiety, depression, compulsion and addiction, are only on the surface, the part of the iceberg that’s revealed on top of the water, but what is hiding underneath? and do you have the strength, the energy, the know how and the WILL, to go exploring?

it seems to me, more often than not, that we are unable to dig deep to find the strength, the energy, the know how and the will to find out more about ourselves. and regardless if we (consciously or unconsciously) decide to dig deeper or to look away, there will always be a human tendency to want to distract ourselves from the discomfort we are experiencing. and rightfully so, who wants to just sit in their discomfort? nobody. no body. no human body wants to sit in discomfort. so we have a built in defense mechanism — the power to distract ourselves.

we are masters of redirection. we create complex lives that involve so many things, that, not only do we never run out of distractions, but we never have time to look at what is causing discomfort (dis-ease) within our own bodies. work, relationships, children, a presence on the internet, social obligations, shopping, eating, drinking, getting high, exercising, volunteering. how can we come to recognize that our lives, on this planet, in this experience, are contained within our human bodies. work, relationships and children aren’t worth shit if you don’t have a functioning body to sense, to come in contact with, to absorb and take in the very experiences that make up your life.

if we don’t know how to communicate clearly, and then we aren’t able to listen to others, or ourselves. if we aren’t able to listen to our own bodies on a daily basis, how can we clearly receive what others are communicating to us. if communicating is hard, and being in a world of people is hard then it’s easy to feel misunderstood, even by those closest to us. being misunderstood, not being able to clearly express our needs, and feeling the isolation of it all can lead to discomfort. discomfort is your body’s way of saying, i’m out of balance. are you listening to your body’s communication, or are you distracting yourself from it. if distracting yourself from your own discomfort is a daily activity, are you still able to show up alive and well right now, at this precise moment, feeling the breath moving through you, your senses keen to absorb this very experience of the life you are living that may or may not last longer than the next hour, but who knows.

listen to your own discomfort, not only can it define your own contentment, but it doesn’t lessen until it is attended to. attending to our nervousness, anxiety, depression, compulsion or addiction with pills, drugs, alcohol, shopping, work, exercise – whatever your vice, is merely a mute for the symptoms of discomfort, enabling you to “carry on”. they may be nice tools to help, but these are not ways of “attending to” discomfort.

in terms of communication, it’s common to have many moments of discomfort between yourself and other people. when these experiences arise, the only way to attend to discomfort between you and another person, is through communication. communicating your discomfort to the other person takes courage. listening to and receiving that communication from someone else takes compassion. so we both have to be brave, and because what that person is communicating is for themselves, even if we are in the story or not, it says nothing about us. not taking anything personally is the key to compassion. we cannot compassionately receive someones attempt to communicate if we assume what they are saying, says something about us. if what is communicated seems to align with your own thoughts, then perhaps this person is your mirror. if what is communicated seems misaligned with your own thoughts, then remember this is their story — not yours.

communication is hard and more often than not we misrepresent our true feelings with the words we use. but we’re all making an attempt. we’re all giving it our best shot. we all fuck up and we all say things that we don’t mean. consider this: there is no blame, there is no right or wrong and you cannot make a mistake. the best thing you can do, is keep trying. the worst thing you can do, is to convince yourself that you’ve made a mistake, that you’ve done wrong or that there are things to blame. and even worse than that, to convince yourself that someone else made a mistake, that they’ve done wrong or that they are to blame—because if someone else is to blame for your discomfort, then they hold the power, the key, that locks you away from your own comfort.

if you have resentment, judgement, or assumptions about other peoples thoughts — those are your thoughts. and your thoughts have the power, to keep you from being able to communicate clearly until you are able to let go, and just be you.

Ground down from a different point of view


what if god doesn’t need to be served. what if our world doesn’t need to be saved. what if cancer doesn’t need to be cured. what if we are looking at our lives through the lenses of the people that came before us, rather than our own.

what if god is not meant to be understood but rather, experienced. what if the survival of our world depends upon the survival of us. what if the cure for cancer is becoming aware of the cause. what if submitting to tradition, without question, blinds us from what is possible, while a simple question, can spark our consciousness to illuminate infinite possibilities.

what if god is simply the source. what if our planet is one organism. what if death is the end of nothing. what if consciousness is the beginning of everything. what if fear is the only thing in your way of creating your dream.

journal entry 11.27.14


i left my last journal entry up on my comp when i sat down to write tonight…



i miss him… i miss safety, security, contentment… i miss familiarity, certainty and my solid home base.


huuuuuuuuuuuuuh… yea, i still feel exactly the same. i love to be loved. i love to be understood. i love to be seen through… i love being in the presence of someone i don’t have to hide from (i stole that from him, he said it tonight). Being with johnny and his family tonight brought up so much shit for me — constantly being drilled by myself questioning my decision to leave him. but now that i am home, alone, and can take a deep breath, one thing i know for certain, i am so very THANKFUL for the space between leaving him and everything that has brought me to sit down on this couch to write this. just like i couldn’t have started the journey i’m on without him, i couldn’t have taken such a big leap while i was still with him. i needed and still need to be out of my comfort zone. i have quite a bit of work to do and it’s important that i detach to do it. i’ve been attached to safety, security, contentment, familiarity, certainty, happiness, freshness, LOVE, being loved, being in love, experiencing every inch of love, comfort, ease, hope, fairy tales endings, and feeling special. on the surface all of that might sound not too bad to be attached to… but it fucking sucks, it was hard to see while i was in it, it was painful to face when I did see it, it turned my world upside-down, i saw myself changing to ensure i keep my attachments, i wanted to be especial in peoples eyes, i wanted to be what i thought they would want me to be, and i compromised myself to make sure i kept all of those attachment needs fulfilled.

when i left johnny, my rainbow colored glasses got ripped off my face exposing some dark shit i was refusing to look at. my beautifully lit up world got real dark, real fast. it jarred the shit out of me but now, after all of this time, i’m starting to like the dark. i was so fucking afraid of the dark… but why? something made me think it was scary but it’s not. it’s just a darker shade of beautiful that i have overlooked. i’ve lived on the perfect, happy, content, easy, illuminated path for so long my eyes are worn out. in the dark my eyes get to rest. i’ve found other ways to see without my eyes. i “see” with my heart, with my soul, my intuition, my faith, and when i “see” others, i “see” myself reflecting back at me. this place i’m in might leave me unsettled, shook up, confused, doubtful, uncertain, scared, and angry but it seems to be where this big beautiful growth spurt is coming from and i’m nowhere near done here.

so while i do still miss him and safety, and security, and contentment and familiarity, and certainty, and my “home base”, i’m so thankful to know what it feels like to not have those things. i’m so thankful i got to experience those things with him. i’m thankful for my courage to detach. i’m thankful for him, i’m thankful he notices me, i’m thankful he accepts me, i’m thankful he loves me exactly as i am and i am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO thankful he chooses to still be in my life.

“i am grateful i am free… i am grateful for the love that surrounds me.” alexia chellun

journal entry 11.14.14


here i am. in vegas. for a PNF party today hosted by zappos. it was summer last year when i had the opportunity to be in the presence of this amazing crew. the kindness crew. i don’t think i’ve ever loved, appreciated or felt more apart of another community as i do this one. THIS is home. home for my heart. today is going to be magical.

last night i sat in bed too tired to write. i closed my eyes and started my nightly ritual. taking my last quiet still moment of the day to recognize what gratitude i have in my heart from the day. i said “dear uni…” and all that could follow was “… thank you”. and this thank you was fucking HUGE. it wasn’t for one thing, it was for everything. i literally scanned my life from birth in a matter of seconds. i recognized many pieces of my life that have brought me right here. how perfect it all has been. but how has it only been 30 years? i feel like in 30 years i’ve lived a lifetime. well fuck… i’ve lived longer than many lifetimes. multiple times longer than the children we will celebrate today.

today we celebrate many young survivors of dis-ease and equally as important, the many children that have succumbed to the same dis-ease. Dis-ease that we as a whole collective of people and consciousness have created. Dis-ease that has shown up as a messenger, as a mirror for us to see. No one is to blame. No one thing is at fault. But depending on how we choose to act in the face of this dis-ease will be the deciding factor on whether or not we succeed or fail as a whole. peach’s neet feet brings LOUD AWARENESS to the world without shying away from the strange and unfamiliar. they put the cold hard honest truth in your face so that you can’t deny the reality that is taking place in our world. and the best fucking part? every thought, every word and every action is rooted in kindness.

kindness. hope. compassion. truth. AWARENESS. these are the people, the things, the reality that can change the world. actions rooted in such pure love it’s no wonder they shine the brightest light on all of this darkness. the tears just keep seeping out of me this morning. there is all too much to type and acknowledge that i am grateful for. this moment is precious and a beautiful reminder of how i got here. thank you madison and thank you annie for creating this tribe and inviting me in. we live hundreds of miles apart, see each other rarely and speak from time to time but this place, this space right here, is where i will always find my home. <3 … and of course, the hotel’s complimentary soaps support our mission. bee kind :) a beautiful sign that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be.

Searching For Love

I don’t remember when it all started but I do remember in middle school, just wanting to be noticed. What is it about being noticed that has so much power? It’s like someone verifying your existence. But why do we need that verification? Perhaps in a sea of other preteens, I wished to be seen. I wished that me, my unique and weird self would be seen and loved. Now did I need that because I wasn’t getting a ton of attention at home? Or did I need that because all preteens need that? I don’t know, but that is the earliest memory I have of craving love.

After being noticed I wanted to be liked. I wanted someone to notice me, my unique self, and then I wanted them to like me. What a bitch it is to seek others approval, yet most everyone does it at some point. I started off needing my parents approval, then from my friends at school and then my teachers, counselors and even strangers. It’s so much easier when people like (or approve of) your words, your thoughts and your actions. If everyone likes and approves of you, who challenges you? Back then it felt like those who truly challenged me, didn’t like me, so I would stay clear of them. I only wanted to be liked, to be loved, I had no room for disapproval in my life.

Once I was liked by someone I wished to be accepted and understood. I wanted those who knew me to see it all, like it all, understood the way I tick and accept me exactly as I am. With my best girl friends this was easy most of the time. Little girls growing up together, tend to think alike, be alike, even dress alike and act alike. All the rubbing off onto each other paves the way to be accepted and understood by these close friends. So i found love in the space between me and my friends.

Now that I had experienced what it was like to be seen, and liked, and understood, and accepted, i was exposed to the desire to have this in a partner. I don’t know why, but it was the thing to do. I don’t know where I got the idea (maybe from movies) or how in the world it became so powerful but my ideas of what love was were expanding, and I had yet to feel it this way, so naturally, the next step in experiencing this thing called love was to find a partner to experience it with.

This is when love got harder. Not only did I need to be noticed, liked understood and accepted, I had to notice, like, understand and accept someone else exactly as they are. This was so easy to do with my girlfriends. I could see their entire lives, I knew everything, making it so easy for us to understand each other’s words, thoughts and actions. But with someone new, you don’t really get to dive in the same way as with childhood friends. You have to start sharing your story but it’s scary to be so vulnerable with a new person. What if he doesn’t like this? Or understand that? Just the thought of not being accepted when I put myself out there brought in a hint of shame. How did that come to be? Why in THIS moment is it so important for THIS person to understand and accept me? I gave so much power to these moments and the outcome was always only one of two: we both put some stuff out there and were seen, liked, accepted and understood for a while or… something, somewhere in the process was not seen, not liked, not accepted or not understood so I’d quit putting my energy into it. Regardless of whichever way it went, none of these partnerships ever lasted very long but I never ceased to keep searching for a partner that I could have all these gifts with and fully surrender into.

I don’t know why this is such a common thing for so many people, women especially. To wish to seek and find “the” person that will fulfill us. At what point were we programmed to think that we aren’t full without this? What about the people who don’t search for this? Why do we think it’s sad if they always live alone, if they never have kids or a partner in their lives? Perhaps their lives are absent of this particular experience but there are many experiences I myself have not been through. Why does THIS one seem to weigh much more than other common desirable experiences. Growing up, I think the subject came up more than college or my future did. But why? As if heartache is needed to go on with my life, as if disappointment in others really inspires me to keep going, as if I can’t focus on other things until I have this thing.

Along the way, I’d have long moments in need of solitude. What I was looking for in others, I never found, and at times I’d feel that I was the only one who could truly show up for me and I honored that. But before too long, I’d always witness a beautiful partnership and choose to continue my search. This pattern went on for years with no partnership ever sticking for more than a few months at a time. I felt complicated, and misunderstood. I was so sick of missing my mark with all these tryouts so I gave up. I surrendered, and was no longer searching, in fact I was fed up with the thought of a partner all together. So of course, that’s when “he” walked into my life. He noticed me right away, he liked me from the start, he accepted my weirdness as it came up and he always tried his hardest to understand me. I noticed that he noticed, I liked him from the start, I accepted all the weird things about him and I always found a way to understand him. I was 25, and I was finally able to end the search and surrender into safe, secure, trustworthily contentment. Unconditional love. It was pure bliss. I was me, he was him, and it was perfect.

Because I had finally filled that hole that felt like a missing piece, I no longer felt like I was missing out on something that really mattered to me. So for years I rested in complete contentment, happiness and freedom to just be me. Everything that had happened in my life up until this point felt absolutely perfect. Confirming those programmed beliefs that heartache is a necessary experience, disappointment in others never stomped out my hope, and now that I have THIS thing, I can focus on other things. So, I found another hole to fill, another missing piece. This piece was my purpose (did I seriously need a partner before I could address something so fucking important?! I guess I did) and it was more than just MY purpose, it was OUR purpose. So I started posing questions out into the universe and began a new journey within my journey.

The answers I received while on my quest for purpose were irritating at first. “The answer is inside you”, “you already have the knowledge you need”, “look within”, “there’s nothing to search for, you already have it”. Like a broken record all of these answers rolling around in my head day in and day out. So I discovered ways to look within and that’s where I found the REAL hole. I hadn’t given myself me, my love, my energy, my power, my acceptance or my compassion, none of it… and it left a big gaping hole inside me. This hole was so much bigger than the missing partner hole, I think that maybe that was just a divot on the surface caused by the giant underground cave that was below. How is it that this so very important piece of myself has been overlooked for so long and NO ONE had ever taught me about it? How is this not important enough to teach in school?! I remember at the time knowing that I could have never come to this place in my life had I not had that amazing partner in my life. I knew that without him filling that space, I could have never seen these all too important things that need my attention below. Without him, I’d still be on the surface trying to fill the only hole I knew existed.

Right away, I started filling in the cave. I gave myself me, my time, my energy, and started listening to my heart. I gave myself love. I stopped judging myself so harshly and replaced the judgement with acceptance and compassion. Before long, it wasn’t a gaping hole anymore. The more time, energy, and self love, I put into the hole, the fuller it got. I started smashing so much into that hole that it started over flowing and even pushing the partner hole on the surface up and out of existence. Now, he wasn’t filling a hole anymore, he was sitting on top of where the hole used to be. He still noticed me, he still loved me, he still understood me and accepted every crazy part of me, but now, while I did still notice him, love him, accept him and understand him, I didn’t need a partner to fill that need for me anymore. I never really did but the illusion was there and I still believed in it until now.

That’s when I made the most difficult decision that I’ve ever made. I decided to leave my beautiful, perfect partner that noticed me, loved me with all of his heart, understood me and accepted all of me. So now, it’s just me and my (supposedly) whole self. I’m finding how lonely it can be as I realize how dependent I was on him to fill other little holes like my need for attention and approval. As time goes on, being alone is cultivating a sensitivity to things I haven’t been aware of in the past. I am able to see more of myself, I am able to put more faith in myself, and with all of this new awareness, I’m able to love even more of myself. I’ve replaced searching with seeing, seeking with creating, and I know now that, everything I need, really is, within me.

Now I see that love isn’t something to be found. If you seek it, you won’t find it. If you force it, you won’t have it. And if you curse it, you become hardened against it. Your love, isn’t in other people. Your love isn’t in things. Your love is deep within the depths of your soul and it doesn’t need a thing, except for you to “see” it.

I’ve realized I don’t need a partner as much as I need connections. Connections that integrate with all of me instead of filling in holes I haven’t filled myself. Connections that expand the surface area of my being, challenging me and supporting me as I grow bigger than I ever imagined I could be.

My New Mantra

*** Warning! I like to cuss and today the sensor is OFF ***

My new mantra: My eyes see the best. My heart forgives the worst. My mind forgets the bad. And my soul never loses faith.

My eyes see the best.
You have the freedom to choose your thoughts in every moment of everyday. Say you’re dressed up all nice and it starts pouring down rain on you. What kind of thought comes to mind first? “Ugh damn this rain, it’s fucking up my hair!” or… “Ahh, how lovely, the earth needed a drink”. A more likely scenario, say while driving in a parking lot a pedestrian bolts out in front of you while zombie-text-walking, forcing you to slam on your breaks. Do you A. Automatically think “Get off your phone and pay attention dumb ass!” or B. Take a breath and think “This guy is quite unaware of his surroundings, the perfect example of what I don’t want to be, thanks for the reminder buddy!” The point is, you get to choose your thoughts in every moment of every day. Are you aware of yours? Do you choose to be mad or glad? Can you see the best in every experience?

My heart forgives the worst.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the saying “everyone is doing the best they can in their own state of consciousness”. I heard it in a mediation track by Deepak Chopra and the topic was forgiveness. I remember taking it in, processing for a moment and thinking “I call bullshit. People who do awful things are NOT doing the best that they can…” But that little phrase continued to roll around in my noggin while I started posing questions to myself like “what if no one had held me as a baby?”, “what if I was passed from one person to the next while growing up so no one ever actually knew me, and no one could actually see me because no one was actually looking?”. After posing many questions like these it hit me: I will never be able to fully understand anyone else’s state of consciousness. We’ve all been though different things in unique experiences that have shaped our consciousness and I don’t know about anyone else but I am only just now beginning to understand my consciousness and it seems to be the tip of the iceberg. It’s difficult being a human and living on this planet. A lot of us have been blessed with mildly traumatic upbringing but many of us, were not so lucky. I accept and am thankful that I am, where I am and I accept everyone else is, exactly where they are too. Without the worst, how would we know what the best looks like?

My mind forgets the bad.
I no longer have the energy to hold onto things that do not serve me. My memory has never been that great but even if it was, stocking up on thoughts that make me contract hardly seems like a good use of space. Just like I choose to see the best, I choose to release the bad. When I make the conscious decision to let things go, I find the bad thoughts flow all the way through me and dissolve into nothingness. One thing though I know for certain, if there are emotions attached to the thing I wish to let go, they must be felt first before I can move this thing all the way through me and out the other side. Emotions and feelings must be felt. It’s best to recognize and feel them the instant they come up so that they can flow through. Any emotion or feeling I choose not to feel gets stuck inside me and gets in the way of future feelings. At some point, all of my emotions will need to be released, and I have found it’s easier to let them flow in and then out as they come up rather than to let them sit inside me, building energy and forcing me to deal with them later.

My soul never loses faith.
Faith is built on trust. To cultivate unwavering faith I must first trust myself, trust in the universe, trust in all of us. And so I do. My faith in this process, in this life, in all of us is so strong that a yellow brick road builds itself under my feet as I walk off the edge. To live in faith, I must sink into a pool of gratitude. In every moment of every day, there is always, always… something to be grateful for. To live in faith I must also have ultimate faith in myself, and to have this faith in myself, I must love myself, believe in myself, live courageously and fearlessly all at once. It’s a practice, and I put my energy into it every single day. My faith doesn’t just exist because I say it does, my faith has been cultivated deep within my soul and its power is a reflection of my own.

What if you observe?

What if your purpose on earth is to observe. And most importantly, to observe yourself.

You live your life witnessing the outside world going on around you. And a cool part about your existence here is that you can act on this outside world. You can jump in and participate in the on going flow of life on earth.

But what if, after arriving here, you are distracted by the world around you. what if you forget that you’re here to observe.

What if it’s not until you lose yourself that you go looking for yourself. What if looking leads to observing. What if the more you observe the less you look. And the less you look, the more you see.

What if you were able to observe yourself without wanting to change or fix anything. What if you could always observe yourself the same way you observe the setting sun and the birds flying by.

i LOVE me


I had no idea this was happening inside me but I started loving myself a few months ago. When I say “loving” I mean gratefully admiring it ALL. On the outside I love my looks, my imperfect skin, my unique shape, my entire body including all limitations. On the inside I love my thoughts, my words, the difficult choices I choose to make, my heart full of gratitude for my life and ALL that’s in it, my never ending struggles, and my current ever changing fears. I’ve never felt this before so it’s all very new to me but it sure does feel good to be able to say out loud with confidence “I love myself, I love being me” and truly be thankful for who I am.

It has taken a lot of courage and intention to get me to this point and it has been quite a challenging journey. To be in love with myself doesn’t mean I don’t judge myself (I’m still human, with an ego and some serious deprogramming to do) but I’ve been really good at letting those judgements show up, taking a good look at them, acknowledging their existence and then letting them drift off into nothingness where all disserving thoughts around the world can go if only we let them.

This way of being, loving myself exactly as I am today, gets me feeling extremely light. It seems to free up the weight I put on myself. But it also heightens my awareness and sensitivity to the things that make me feel heavy. It has come to my attention that I am the only person who can make me feel heavy. Many things can trigger me but the main one I’ve found lately is when I put expectations on myself and have yet to follow through with them. When I see the list of things I intend to do while I’m already triggered about all the obligations and expectations I have for myself, I become anxious, my heart beats faster and my brain becomes super scattered (and practically useless). This ungrounded feeling brings on more weight and BAM!! There’s that heavy feeling weighing in on me…

It’s always me who brings on the extra weight. Its me who must feel that weight in order to become aware of it. And it’s only me who can stop, literally pause, and take some time to set it back down. In a world full of distractions, it takes acute awareness of my self, my thoughts, my words, and my actions to be able to see these things come up. Then it takes courage and discipline to give myself the time and energy I need to become grounded again.

The more courage I use to think this way, speak this way, and act this way the more love I feel for myself. But with this use of extreme courage I find myself needing more. I need to be more gentle with me, more accepting, more compassionate and above all, I need more of my attention.

I give love to me and I receive love from me. It’s like I fuel my love for myself with love for myself. And there’s something really special about that. <3

Faith in us


I’m taking a leap, and faith will provide something solid for me to land on.

My faith is not in some divine superior being. My faith is in everything. It’s in you, it’s in me, and it’s in everyone else, and I do mean EVERYONE. My faith is in something bigger than the earth yet it encompasses the world we live in and every single experience that takes place here. And because I am a tiny little piece of it all, my faith lies in all of US.